When I weighed 140 pounds,
I wanted a gap between my thighs.
I wanted light to shine through that gap
to get rid of the darkness in my soul.
I wanted to be light.
I wanted to fly
to get rid of the heaviness
weighing down on my bones.
I wanted to see the white
on my rib cages
so my mind wouldn’t seem so black.
But what nobody warns you is,
the only thing you are starving yourself of
For every meal that goes down the toilet,
a part of your sanity goes with it.
You do not get lighter, darling.
You get even heavier.
Your bones get weaker
and they will break at any second.
By thinking you can’t control anything else,
you try to control your food,
But what they don’t tell you is
you lose control
You were so desperate for light
that you let yourself be thrown
into the dark
just to watch the flames
of hell burning.